BELARUS NEWS AND ANALYSIS
DATE:
27/02/2008
The Mini Malls of Minsk
The world forgot about Belarus after the March 2006 presidential election when the winners beat up the losers, literally. Now it seems the whole country is in a deep freeze until President-for-life Lukashenko next goes rollerblading and just maybe falls on his head. Russian rumors report that the leader is somewhat offended by his nation's axis-of-evil status and is taking strides to make Belarus more tourist-friendly. Politics aside, Minsk is admittedly a lovely little city of about 2 million Minskians (minions?). Within it lies the purest collective of Stalinist architecture on earth, and you can't help but feel impressed by the size and style of such imposing urban vistas. And so let us away to the Pyongyang of Europe! Come taste the current vibe in a city where Lee Harvey Oswald completed his junior year abroad.
Where the Streets Have No Shame
Singapore's got nothing on Minsk: the Belarusian capital really does boast the cleanest streets in the world: not a speck of trash on the sidewalk and not a disjointed cobblestone in sight. When the snow falls, which it often does, the snowplows and snow shovelers are out in droves, lifting every flake before it hits the pavement. Oh, and the trains run on time, too. My marketing slogan pitch? "Minsk: So clean, it's creepy."
Shopaholics Anonymous
The new socialism is all about the consumer goods for the good of the state. For nostalgia's sake, peruse the many floors and aisles of GUM (Government Universal Store), where bad taste is luxury. GUM should not to be confused with nearby TSUM (Central Universal Store), which is more like a marxist Target for mobsters. Both downtown stores function like mini-malls though, with lots of little booths and everything behind glass; A thousand babushka cashiers standing behind a thousand separate counters and only accepting money for one particular kind of merchandise. When you're finished running around, relax your tired feet at any of the fancy, in-store cafes serving retro cakes and saccharine Soviet-era sweets.
Anglophilia
Minsk is crazy about all things British--most dictators are. You know how London is the new Xanadu for the Russian mob and all of it's money? Well, the hottest nightclub in Minsk is called "London" and the poshest cafe in town is called My English Granny , because these days, everybody in Minsk pretends their grandmother was English. (Other people's grannies get beaten up.) Meanwhile, real British blokes have invaded the neighboring Baltic states for cheap booze and girls. Ah, culture envy!
Stripping for Stalin
The post-Soviet strip club is now the gold standard for the world's nastiest nightlife. Minsk is keeping up with the trends in state-sanctioned strip joints like Club Versus and Taste of Night, where Belarusian boobies are up for grabs. The local word for these sultry women is artistka though Western anthropologists categorize them as part of the wider devushka phenomenon. Did I mention the country's second largest city is called Brest?
Back to the Future
As the rest of the world becomes more and more similar to itself, cities like Minsk are an (almost refreshing) exception to the rule of globalization. The intrepid traveler should feel an urgency to seek out these quirky hold-outs before they get totally assimilated into the thinking, breathing world--someday soon Havana's gonna turn into Miami and North Korea will just be Korea. Minsk will most likely become Moscow in miniature and when that happens, there won't be any point in going anymore. My plug for Minsk is tainted with serious urgency. You should visit Minsk just like you should always try the weirdest ice cream flavors you can.
Source:
http://gridskipper.com/361246/the-mini-malls-of-minsk
Archive
